To be humble, without loss of self worth.
To illuminate confidence of heart, body and soul without fanning the flames of the ego.
Cultivating wisdom yet always and ever the student.
This is my practice.
This is my life.

To the San Francisco Waldorf School's Graduating 8th Grade Class

A speech given to the Waldorf students, their parents and friends who were present at the June 2012 graduation.

Dearest 8^th grade, thank you for sharing your beautiful journey- not only the last 8 years, but this sweet trip down memory lane that you have displayed this evening. You are amazing.

 Thank you parents of the eighth graders! I am grateful that we and our children have wound up here together. I have worked with at risk teens in and out of the juvenile hall setting and I can tell you that they lack safe hands-on affection, respect and pure love. It is obvious that these children of the Waldorf School have been steeped in such devotion.

 And it is A Great Honor to be speaking not just at a school gathering, but the 2012 8^th grade graduation of this school, which to me, is a holy place of pedagogical intelligence, run by a staff of enlightened individuals.

 For instance, our cherished Kindergarten Teachers who started most of our kids off in this beautiful direction, and continue to cheer them on. Historian and author Thomas Carlyle claimed: “A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.” Monique, Dagmar and Diane- Your loving and magical hearts are the biggest, and we all thank you!
 

 And of course, there’s remarkable Laurence Jacquet, who has been dedicated to our kids from their tender age of 6 to a robust 14 years old. So may I take this moment to bow down before you, Ms Jacquet, before your strength , patience, encouragement and wisdom.  The foundation of our children’s lives have been well set by your weighty devotion. Thank you.

 If my words sound enthusiastic- it is because I am. However, I must add that due to living faraway in half moon bay -the 8 years of commuting has equaled 2,880 hours in the car OR 194,400 moments spent justifying being here.  Let us just say that I have well contemplated and rejoiced in this commitment. It truly has been worth it.

 Of course it was not always easy. I think we all remember the early days, when as tender younger parents we had to explain to friends and relatives why we were choosing Waldorf. Some of their dubious queries went like this:

• How old is your child? And when will they learn to READ?
• what! no computers? At all?
• Hah, no tv. No tv? NO TV??? Okay movies… no?!
• Ok, explain to me: ….eurythmy

 And situations like this: a dear old friend called me up crying saying that her public schooled first grader was having anxiety attacks due to the testing pressure and therefore she’s considering a sweet local waldorf school- after all, she clearly recognizes the positive impact on our lives but her biggest concern: If she did make the switch, does her son really have to stop eating sugar?

 To many, the Waldorf Education is still mysterious, a tad counter culture. And thank goodness. The cultural norm has been somewhat fashioned from the darker threads of Darwinism- based on the idea of survival of the fittest, of natural selection defined by strength and beauty which urges: “ the best *man* win”- competition being the name of the game- to  get ahead of everybody else.  Lesser known is that Darwin noted a more balanced view of nature and humanity that included the idea of community. In fact, his work: The Descent of Man highlights an evolution of love and moral sensitivity rather than isolating self promotion. In that same book the word love is mentioned 95 times, where “survival of the fittest” is listed just twice.      Darwin expressed that imagination, curiosity and wonder are some of the human’s greatest gifts.
 

 Coming from a competitive background, I know where that lonely road leads and in my adult life I am completely sold on the importance of tempering fierce competition and finding a harmonious balance between head and heart.  The Waldorf education teaches that balance and; with Ms. Jacquet’s exceptional leadership, her students are FULL of imagination, curiosity, wonder. And compassion, courage, authenticity, intelligence, a sense of community, openness, generosity…

 This class is much like a loving family.  Ok, with the occasional set of kissing cousins- but more than anything the respect they have for each other: the inclusiveness when new students came, and the blessings sent off with those who have left, is extraordinary. Each of the classes have their distinctive tone or flavor, and this one embodies trust and genuine affection for each other. Yes -surface tension might erupt now and again, but due to the grounding of up to 8 years together, the relationships are healthily worked out.

 Since their first grade, I have watched this class be placed into small groups or pairings and no matter which configuration of kids, they got along and supported each other’s uniqueness. Their open minds and hearts allow themselves -and each other- to confidently leave their comfort zones and feel free to explore their internal hidden depths and external opportunities.  This has already brought them to outstanding successes- such as:

• strength in sports where there once was weakness;
• brilliant and inventive minds,
• poetry pulled from the silence,
• gracious song, outstanding music
• gorgeous artistry and skills.

 They are fascinating and interesting people who will continue to be inspiring members and soon leaders of society.  I have no doubt that this class will never long lose their ability to shine.

 And so what is my experience of being a Waldorf parent of Simone, in this graduating class of 8^th graders?  It is one of supreme gratitude. I bless every single day that we are able to be a part of this community where not just the mind, but the heart, body and soul are vibrantly empowered. And it is not just Simone and her classmates who have been nourished, but I too have been inspired to step into my Higher Self.

 Lastly, I bow to you, 8^th grade for being YOU.

You are so much fun to know.

Unwinding Old Patterns and Beliefs

My yoga practice screams at me. Not from the mat but as I hunch over the sink, feverishly scrubbing hardened grime from a frying pan. I am standing askew, my teeth gritted and my glutimus maximi are bunched into two tight balls. Since when did need my ass muscles to wash dishes?

 

I witness that I am not as relaxed and easy going as think I am or want to be. These shoulders can melt, the lips soften and my hands ungrasp. I find that I scrunch my toes when driving and clench my jaws when sleeping. I even have experienced my tongue unnecessarily wrapping into a twist during Parivrttaikapada Sirsasana. All relatively unconscious behavior now seen and considered due to my yoga practice.  Witness is a common mantra in yoga. And in doing so, I see and decide its high time to follow this tension into my deeper being.

 

Yoga is like that. Life is like that. The more I practice and the more I live, through witnessing I can become more aware and wise. With applied concentration and unraveling, a murky mystery that plagued last year I now understand and see with blissful illumination. Where today’s shadows cast a fearful darkness, one day will be a sweet swatch of brilliance and playful freedom. This is not navel gazing, mind you, this is knowing thyself, this is exposing insidious ways of being that influence thought and action.
 

And today I suffer a shadow. I am not afraid, I am grateful for the time and space to unearth stoney blockages on my path to bliss.  I witness my tautness and find it hooked into a desperate inquietude. Layered beneath years of accommodation are deep bundles of tense confusion. Freeing deep muscles such as the levator scapulae, rhomboids, quadrates and psoas unseals tombs of traumatic feelings. The energy is forced back into my mainstream and I am smacked with fears and memories and patterns. Voices. I am unlovable. I am not good enough. I am ugly. I am greedy. No one wants me. I do not want myself.
 

Am I depressed? Crazy? Running through the streets screaming? No, I am like many other plastisized Americans, secretly held tightly captive in an unconscious grasp. Wounds, simple yet profound, tucked neatly under applied strength. We grew up in stressed nuclear units, without communities, with Dr. Spock, with belief that kids are resilient!, without spirituality, with money and power placed above love.
 

And despite these muffled cries I’ve lived, leaning on hope, on others opinions, on others acceptance of the me they think they see, the me I weave and project with grace learned from fictional characters and heroines. I know that I do have unmarred strength, in me is true beauty cultivated from gratitude and learning. But it is shy and meek and pinned down and battered by the voices.

And now what? Pretend that I am not feeling this fear? Make like I don’t, it doesn’t- matter and continue on with my semi charade? Life is pain, no? No. Life is a struggle and this is the struggle. Facing our deepest fears and performing psychic surgery to exorcise them, these demons, these patterns. They are not small. With such negative banter whispering behind my scenes I lack the courage to shine, to believe that I am worthy of shining. I am held down from my higher self.
 

It might be that these firm chunks of muscle will release. And the fears, the memories and the sadness will loom. And my practice, of yoga and conscious living will guide me through this place, as I have been led through many shadows before it. I will move mountains, I will quietly sit and witness, I will listen, I will love. And I will be free.